


Out Of Time

by dreamingofmidnight (RosemaryJames)



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Episode AU: s07e06 The Snowmen, Episode AU: s08e01 Deep Breath, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosemaryJames/pseuds/dreamingofmidnight
Summary: For a moment, one shining moment, she thinks he’s finally come back for her. But then, she remembers.He’d changed. He’d changed and the man standing in front of her now (a man she knows so well) is not him.
Kudos: 6





	Out Of Time

**Author's Note:**

> In which I cope with my feelings about the upcoming finale by writing an AU of an episode that aired half a decade ago (and give myself other feelings in the process).

_“Seems like I’m stuck here now. Got a vacancy?”_

_“You would be very welcome to join our little household.”_

_“It’s been a month. Sometimes I wonder if he is ever going to come back.”_

_“Perhaps you could accompany us to distract yourself from such a thought.”_

_“I think I could use a distraction right now.”_

_“CLARA!”_

When the world comes back into focus, she isn’t where she was a second ago. Everything is different, no sign of friendly faces or the monster they were fighting.

Her eyes fall on a newspaper, or more specifically, on a date

_September 12 th, 1890_

She isn’t scared, waiting for an impossible man to show up, he has a time machine, he _will_ come for her.

But she’s been doing this for weeks already, and now she doesn’t even have her friends.

She takes stock of what she has: a dress and not much more. The jewelry that comes with it she sells, quietly apologizing to the people that actually own it. Will own it.

They don’t know her yet. She went back to the house on Paternoster Row to check and watched Jenny walk right past her without recognizing her. She hadn’t expected her to, but it still hurts, knowing that revealing herself now will probably cause a paradox.

She finds a job as a barmaid and settles in to wait.

It probably won’t be long now.

(she keeps telling herself that, even when she takes a second job as a governess more than a year later)

_Two years._

_Three months._

_Eleven days._

It weighs on her, how long he’s made her wait. She’s made a living, found a place to stay, but none of it softens the blow of what will probably be a third Christmas on her own.

But for now, she has a job to do.

She fills her tray and walks outside. Closing the door to keep the warmth in, she turns around and is surprised to see a snowman has just appeared. So surprised, she doesn’t even notice the man walking past until he’s walked right in front of her.

“Did you make this snowman?”

“No.”

He doesn’t stop walking.

“Well who did? Because it wasn’t there a second ago, it just appeared. From nowhere.”

He turns around and…

And it’s _him_.

For a moment, one shining moment, she thinks he’s finally come back for her. But then, she remembers.

He’d changed. He’d changed and the man standing in front of her now (a man she knows so well) is not him.

And then he asks her for her name.

He doesn’t recognize her.

_He doesn’t even recognize her._

(she’s scared of what that might mean)

But here he is, and, even if this version of the Doctor doesn’t know her yet, he must have a TARDIS. And at the very least, he can take her _home_.

All she needs to do is convince him.

She follows him to a park. Watches as he pulls a ladder out of thin air. Manages to get it down herself on her second try. And at the top, she finds the TARDIS.

She never knew how much she missed her.

She knocks.

And immediately realizes she doesn’t have a plan.

What would she tell him? She can’t tell him the truth; he’s warned her about paradoxes. And she doesn’t have a story she can tell him, doesn’t know yet how she can convince him to take her to the future and just _leave_ her there.

_“Don’t come looking for me. Forget about me, do you understand?”_

If he sees her here, she might lose her only chance. It seems like he’s been living up here for a while already, and will probably stay for now. She will have another chance.

She runs.

In the end, she doesn’t have to think about a story to tell the Doctor for long. When he arrives at her job as a governess, Francesca all but hands her a perfect mystery, one she knows he will not be able to resist.

The difficult part is finding herself back at Paternoster Row.

She knows this house; it hasn’t changed much from the last time she’s been here (it won’t change much in the future). But the people living here don’t know her. They think she’s a stranger, and she has to convince them that she needs help without letting it slip how well she knows them.

She leaves them with one word.

_Pond._

He comes to help that night, and she should have remembered how fast times moves when he’s around. Within minutes, the former governess has come alive in ice form to hunt them down, outside it has started snowing again, and suddenly even her friends are there.

She focusses on keeping the children safe.

(oh, she has missed this)

He has a plan, she can tell, he always does.

She kisses him. Because she realizes now. She doesn’t want to let him go.

(there is something at the back of her mind, something important, but she can’t quite remember)

She follows him. She’s so _close_ , she can feel it, everything will be all right again.

And then they’re running, running, running.

“I never know why. I only know who.”

He hands her a key.

“What's this?”

This is wrong. She knows she hasn’t travelled with him before; he’s told her as much in his future. But here he is, offering her a key. Has she messed up?

_“Do you remember me?”_

_“You said things, things I'm not supposed to remember.”_

She suddenly remembers.

She wishes she hadn’t

“Me. Giving in.”

“ _The Dalek Asylum. There was a girl in a shipwreck and she died saving my life. And she was you.”_

“I don't know why I'm crying.”

But she does. Because this, it already happened, and he’s told her about it, will tell her about it, and she forgot (will forget), and then remembered (will remember), and then she saved him (will save him, always save him).

She struggles when the icy governess grabs her (she can’t not), but she knows, _she knows_ he won’t save her, because he _can’t_.

_“In Victorian London there was a governess, who was really a barmaid, and **she died**.”_

She’s been split into so many pieces before. He’s told her about all of them, the ones he could remember.

She never thought one of them would actually be her.

_“She died. And she. Was. You.”_

She doesn’t feel herself hit the ground.

They bring her back to life, but she knows it will not last.

She knows now. Why he never came for her.

He never could.

And when he comes back, she speaks to him, one last time. And she hopes that that old man he will become one day hears it too.

_Run._

_Run, you clever boy._

_And remember._

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [a fanmix I made ages ago](https://dreamingofmidnight.tumblr.com/post/115436195116/out-of-time-au-after-deep-breath-when-the-smoke) cus honestly I have so many fanmixes and ideas for fanmixes and I don't even know where to post them anymore, so why not write them as fics?
> 
> (Also I have Opinions about the ending of Deep Breath and the best way to deal with those is to make it not happen.)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://dreamingofmidnight.tumblr.com/)


End file.
